Real Talk and a New Tattoo!

Well hello there!

If you read my tattoo post, you'd know that today I got a brand new tattoo! If not, you'd know by the title. 

It's a Hamsa hand, or it goes by many other names, on my right forearm.

There's a specific reason for the placement. On the right side of my body, I have my "death" tattoos. On my wrist is the day my grandmother passed away. Behind my ear is in memory of my cousin who also passed away.

The basic meaning of the Hamsa hand is that it protects you from demons and gives you good luck. I chose the right side of my body because although my loved ones are/were angels, their deaths haunt me. 

I know that it wasn't my fault for either of them. You can't control accidents or cancer. But the demons I have are these terrible aching pains in my heart that I get when certain days pass; birthdays, holidays, the anniversaries of their passings. It hurts to know that I took them for granted. I might have been young when they passed but it kills me now that I'm older.

It happens quite often where I sit in my bed and just think of all the things I didn't know. Where did my grandma meet my grandpa? How? What was their wedding like? Why did she fall in love with him? What were her teenage years like? Where did she work? What did she want to be when she grew up? Who were Jordan's best friends? What was his favourite colour? Where did he want to live? Did he want kids?

The simple things.

I don't know them.

Not a clue.

And it haunts me every single day of my life.

These past couple of years have been the hardest. This May will be really hard as it's been 15 years since my cousin's death. I hope that this new tattoo will allow me to realize that I have some angels watching over me even if they bring with them invisible little demons that sneak their way into my mind.

But for the past year and a half I've had some great people in my life to help me slowly realize this. They've taught me that even when I do break down and it all gets too much, they'll be there for me. They've taught me that sometimes life gets tough but when it does they won't leave. They've taught me that not all family is blood.

I'd like to say thank you to my friends Lori-Anne and Anahid for being my family, my best friends, my reminders. 

Hopefully this tattoo might take some of the bad days away and not let them get into my head.

If you take anything away from this, always tell your loved ones how much you love them, and never be afraid to ask them about themselves. You'll cherish those stories forever and they'll be more than just a picture or a fragment of your memory. You'll forget the sound of their voice, the way they laughed, the warmth of their embraces, but you'll never forget those stories.

And that tattoos are great reminders.




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