Who Needs School Anyway?

Well hello there!

This post is something that I'm a little nervous, I guess you could say, to write about and to post. 

Most people know that I currently am not in school. I did do a year of university at Wilfrid Laurier University in Brantford for Journalism. I love writing and I love the whole idea of magazines, but it wasn't what I expected. So I decided it was in my best interest and my wallet's best interest to leave.

But I wasn't just going to leave, I was going to another school... college actually. I've always been in love with art and prior to choosing journalism, I wanted to be in photography. For my second attempt at schooling, that's what I chose. 3 days before I started classes it had come, in full force, to my attention that I just wasn't sure. 

I developed major anxiety and also extreme depression about it to the point where I actually wanted to commit suicide because I was so confused. Up until right now the only other person that had known is my mother but I guess now everyone reading this does too. 

So I, along with my mother, decided the best option for me was to take 1 year off of school and figure it out by myself. I withdrew myself from the college and with this, lost my $20,000 scholarship. I felt immediate relief and like a huge weight was taken off my shoulders. I knew, and still know, that I made the right choice for myself, but a lot of people did not understand.

For the next few months I endured extreme criticism from both family and friends, all confused as to why someone who did well in high school would just drop out of school altogether. At one point, I just stopped addressing the situation and made my mother answer all the questions because they were sending me further and further into a depressive state. 

I had started working in September in retail, where I rekindled my love for fashion after a couple of months. It never really occurred to me when applying to schools that I could choose fashion as a career. This became my outlet. 

Working with clothes became my first outlet but I also have developed two others. In September I was on my personal Tumblr when I had read someone's text posts about them wanting to commit suicide. I had been there and I knew what it felt like, so I pleaded with them to not do it. They had responded with something along the lines of it didn't matter and that they were still going to proceed with it. I spent about 4 hours that night talking to them to change their mind. It worked.

So now I currently have an advice Tumblr where people come to me either anonymously or privately with their issues and I do my best to help them. I have currently helped about 40 people or more, some with cutting and some with other issues. I love it.

Another thing I have found to love is blogging. Writing is something I've advised a lot of people to do but had never really done it myself. I have honestly fallen in love with it and I'd like to do a quick thank you to those that have read it. Before posting this, I have 800 pageviews on this blog and it wouldn't be that high without you reading it so I thank you.

Now back to talking about school.

I finally have found some things I'm extremely interested in, but I'm not going to school just yet. I knew in October there was no possible way for me to attend school the following September because I would have to figure everything out by January. So I set my eyes on 2015.

But I thought to myself, why study in Canada? Why not study somewhere that actually has a fashion culture besides "country"? Why not study overseas? 

My research began. I spent an entire night searching for fashion schools in Europe. The University of the Arts London became my top interest. I thought to myself, how cool would it be to have a brand of my own? So I delved into designing.

I lost interest in the designing aspect pretty quickly because I realized that it's not my forte. I found out that I'd rather buy clothes than make them, and I also wasn't willing to learn how to sew. But that didn't throw my dreams of being an international fashion student out the window.

I recently started looking at schools in the U.S. because they offer much more than just designing. Marketing is not something I'm interested in at all so I found myself looking at a styling program in California. That's where I currently plan on going, but not until September 2016.

You might be wondering why so far away, but it all comes down to money. I have to start paying my $7000 student loan back from my year in university and I'd also like to save up my own money to pay for school. Tuition, for one year, would cost between $15,000 - $40,000. It's a lot of money, but I think it's worth it.

Now another thing you might be wondering is why after all that time, would I want to go to school. For myself I would like to have a degree. I want the satisfaction of having a degree to my name. It might be immature but it's something that I've wanted to achieve since I was little and I won't give up on it.

The reason I'm writing this is because I think a lot of people get hung up on needing school. I know so many people that get degrees in a certain field and end up working somewhere else because nothing is available to them. What I'm trying to say is that a degree doesn't define you nor should it define your intelligence. 

I'm still getting questioned by family as to why I'm not in school or going back this year but I've learned not to care about what they say. I'm happy with my decision and with what I plan on doing, I don't need their approval. I also would like to think that someone who doesn't have a degree should not be judging me because I don't have one.

The only thing someone should judge you on is whether or not you're a good person, and frankly, a framed piece of paper with your name on it doesn't say that. Focus on you and your happiness because worrying about what others think doesn't make life any easier. 

My apologies to anyone reading this that might think they caused some of the issues I went through, this post was directed at no one in particular because it wasn't just one person.

I'd also like to say thank you to those that have supported my decisions from the beginning. You are the reason I am a much happier person now and I couldn't imagine my life without you. Your support means everything to me and I wouldn't be able to pursue my dreams if it weren't for you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, I love you.

-MacKenzie

CONVERSATION

3 comments:

  1. Follow your heart, Kenz! It will tell you. I love you, kiddo! xox <3

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  2. Hi, Kenzie. This is Karen from over at Makeup and Beauty Blog. I noticed that you commented on this weekend's Sephora giveaway, and I clicked over to your blog. I got a little verklempt reading this. More than just making the right decision for yourself, you've helped a lot of people, and that's beyond awesome. You have to carry those things with you -- the knowledge that you've done good in the world -- through life deep in your core and hold on to them for strength through the difficult times. Anyway, you go, girl. :)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! It honestly means the world to me that you took the time to look at and read my blog, and comment. I can't even express how much shock I'm in. Thank you, yet again!

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