Coming To A Realization

Well hello there!

I've recently been taking really big steps toward going to school again. After 1 1/2 years out of school I've figured it's about time I go back and I've been getting anxious about it. I have mainly looked into international schools (for me) in NYC and California... even as far as England. I've contacted schools to see about admissions; I've contacted the bank to see if it's financially possible; I've asked professionals for advice; I've set my heart on it and my hopes quite high. They've been let down quite a bit after speaking to the bank as international schools are very expensive.

They've also been let down because as much as I think I've figured out what I want to major in, I still can't commit myself to it. I thought it might be fashion, but I don't want to be a designer or a merchandiser. Styling was an option but do I really have to pay a large amount of money to learn how to dress people? Then came writing. This option went out the window extremely quickly because I hated journalism and they're really not all that different in the long run. Art history really sparked my interest as I've always loved art. Despite the spark, I'm still questioning whether I want to pursue that for the rest of my life. Honestly, I just love too many things to choose one (or two with a double major) for the rest of my life. 

But it also got me thinking the other night and I've come to a realization. As much as I believe in education and as much as I love learning, is attending school really going to make me ultimately happy? Because all I really want out of life is to be happy. I'm not saying that right now I'm not happy, I'm saying I want to be happy every day for the rest of my life. I might not be happy doing what I'm doing next week, so what's stopping me from doing something that will? Whatever I do, wherever I am, whoever I’m with, I want to be happy. There’s no specific education that will magically work. There’s no specific job that I know will make me happy. But also, there’s no time limit on me deciding what makes me happy. I don’t have to decide today or tomorrow, or even next year, on something that I want to make me happy when it might change within 3 years.

What I’m trying to get at here is that we can never decide where our happiness lies. And we can’t let others tell us that we do and that we must decide now. If you are your happiest traveling the world exploring and learning about places instead of being in school, do that. If you are your happiest sitting in a classroom learning from a professional about a topic/career that you love, do that. If you are your happiest working at a minimum wage job, do that. If you aren't happy doing that tomorrow or next week or next month or next year, find something that will make you happy.

Because, honestly, will you be lying on your death bed saying "I'm glad I spent all of those years unhappy so that I could say I got my degree in something I'm not even sure I really loved," or "I'm glad I spent my entire life doing what makes me happy, no matter how many times it changed?" 

-MacKenzie

CONVERSATION

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