Potentially Dangerous

Well hello there!

It's been quite a while since I wrote, there hasn't really been anything that I've felt the need to talk about. At the beginning of the year I said that I hadn't been feeling motivated to write because I felt pressured to write about certain things. I decided that I would write when I felt like it, on whatever I felt like writing about. But I've hit this block again and that's partially why I'm writing this.

I love to write, to me it just comes easily. My writings are essentially just a stream of consciousness and to be honest, I don't really go over them when I'm done. I don't edit my own work, which I probably should, because I'm not here to hand in a paper to a professor so they can determine whether my writing is enough to their liking. Actually, most professors hate my writing because I express my opinion and thoughts too much for a theorized essay.

For that reason is why I started this blog, so that I could write freely, without limitations. It took me a while to learn that but I figured it out. If I'm being quite honest, that's the first chunk of each email I receive from companies that want to work with me. I'm not fully sure if they tell everyone that they like their writing but I'm gullible enough to believe that they just tell me. I hear it often enough from other people that they like to read what I write so maybe that's why I choose to believe them. But the fact that people like my writing is not why I write.

I'm told constantly that I have so much potential, whether it be in writing or cooking or art or whatever I'm doing at the time. People tell me like I don't know, even as if I'm wasting my time not fully focusing on that aspect of my life. I realized what I had when I spent a week researching and writing my analytic paper to apply to Pratt, to which I had been accepted to based upon. 100 international students get accepted every year, and I had been one of them. Maybe I spent too much money to realize something so often told to me, but it worked. Oddly enough, this potential to me is dangerous.

Being told that I have potential, being told that I should do something with it, being told that I should do what everyone else thinks I'm good at is what stops me. I constantly hear from friends that their parents want them in school, whether or not it be for something they like. They're in places they don't like, doing things that make them unhappy, and are just left feeling confused and stuck. That's not a life I ever want to live. I don't want to do something because someone tells me to, tells me I'm good at it, or even expects me to do it. I don't want to be stuck.

As I said earlier, I love to write. I love to do a hell of a lot of things, too many to narrow down into one career. I don't want to have a life where I'm always wishing I did something else. I don't want to live a life I need a vacation from either. I read all of these articles where people quit their jobs, sell everything and move to some remote island to sell ice cream. Those are the people, to me, that are living how they want to live without caring as to what anyone else thinks. And that's how I want to live.

I don't expect people to understand where I'm coming from because maybe they have it all figured out and are comfortable with their lives. But what I do want people to understand is that I'm not wasting my time doing these dead end jobs. I do them because I like to work and I never have to feel stuck at them, and frankly I need to work because OSAP doesn't pay itself off. At these dead end jobs I've met people I wouldn't have met otherwise and I'm so thankful for them. The best part of all of these jobs is that I've learned who I am, and I'm only going to continue to learn from here on out.

I use my potential in ways that people don't see or hear about because I don't feel the need to gloat about everything that I do. And I'm not saying that people shouldn't encourage others to do things they're good at. What I'm saying is that people shouldn't assume that I'm lost or confused, because I'm not. Maybe I don't know where I'm going, but I know that my end destination is simply just to be a happy and good person. And I've already got that under control.

Until next time...
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