My Body Is Not Up For Discussion

Well hello there!


I don't really know how this is going to be taken because I don't necessarily know if people will get where I'm coming from. I'm not writing this to complain or to offend anyone that this pertains to, my hope is that maybe people will understand. I guess if this does upset you, I'd typically offer you my condolences but I frankly don't believe I have anything to be sorry about. So with this little disclaimer out of the way, I'll just start saying what I want to say.

Since December I've lost a noticeable amount of weight. To give you a little back story as to how, I've basically just been sick. Not having a cold or the flu, but my body has been reacting differently to food within the last 9 months. I've been to doctors, I've been for testing and there's nothing off about my vitals and nutrients. I take it day by day, no special diets, no specific exercise. Most days I have a hard time finding an appetite to eat so now I kind of just eat because I know I have to. I don't want your opinion on this, I'm just simply stating my current situation.

With this illness I've lost weight. I used to be able to eat quite large portions and now I can't without feeling nauseous. Obviously this is going to cause weight loss. Not from eating healthier, not from exercising. It's just what I'm comfortable with eating now. Easy. 

I cannot begin to tell you the amount of comments I've had on my body since I've lost weight. Maybe that would be ideal for some people but for me it's not. The first thing people say to me is along the lines of "you look great," to which I thank them. Then, because everyone seems to be so obsessed with losing weight, I get asked how. To this I essentially just say that I've had some health issues. Immediately after I mention that their comments turn into "you should go to the doctor," "you look sick," "you're too skinny," "you should eat more." 5 seconds ago you just told me I look great and now all of a sudden you're concerned for my well being. Makes sense, right?

Somewhere in this whole fascination with weight loss and body issues we've deemed it acceptable to comment on other's bodies. Most people won't comment on weight gain because that's obscenely rude and how dare someone do that in person. Online, apparently, it's okay to do? That makes no sense either because no one should be saying anything about anyone's bodies. But this whole thing about "oh you've lost weight I need to comment on your body" thing has really gotten to me these last few months.

I don't think people are trying to make me feel bad or intentionally upsetting me. I don't even think they know that the things they're saying have the potential to be harmful. I believe I've spoken about it before but there was a point in my life where I had just stopped eating because I thought that's what was wanted of me. I thought that's where my worth lied, was in my weight and body. Coming from that point, I have never in my life felt more self conscience about my body than I do right now. I feel as tho I have to apologize if I look bloated, or if my illness isn't what people want to hear when asking how I did it. I feel as tho that it is the only thing people want to talk about and that I should be thankful someone is commenting on my appearance. I feel as tho I should be ashamed that I've lost weight due to health reasons rather than trying to be healthy.

I have not lost weight intentionally. I was happy with my body 45 pounds ago and I was happy with it 3 months ago. Right now I am not happy with it. I have tried to gain weight for a while but it just doesn't happen. I listen, most days, to people telling me that they want to lose weight but "you wouldn't understand." And I almost feel like I've done something so wrong that now I should feel bad about losing weight because others have gained weight. A few months ago I remember telling my best friend that for the first time in a lot of years I feel happy and confident with my body. Now, not so much.

I guess all I'm trying to say here is that I would really like it if people could stop commenting on my weight and eating habits. I am doing my best to get thru each day without wanting to curl up and cry because of the nausea. I am doing my best to stay at work and work thru any pain or sickness that I feel because I have to pay my bills. I am doing my best and I do not want your opinion. I don't care if you think I'm too skinny, or need to gain weight, or should go see a doctor. Because I am already beating myself up for it, I don't need your help in doing it.

This goes for commenting on anyone else's body as well. Let's just live in a world where everybody just stops saying something about someone else's body. People can be going through some health issues, some mental illnesses, some hard times. They don't need you to say anything about how they look. So just keep your comments and opinions to yourself because I'm sure you wouldn't want someone saying anything to you about your body.

Until next time...
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1 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear about the illness and people's insensitivity toward it. <3 loved reading, thanks for sharing! :)

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