Where I'm At

Well hello there!


For the last little while I feel like I've been neglecting this space. I've always come here when I've felt the need to say something, or just share something. Sometimes I came here because someone asked me to write about or share something specific. But for the most part, whenever my mind needed emptying, this right here is where I came to empty it.

Over the past almost 3 years I've talked about a lot. When I first started this blog my intention had always been to use it as an income source. To get it big enough that it would become my job, just as other people have done with their blogs. That was my goal. Simple, but never realistic. It took me a long time to understand that the people that have made their blogs into such huge successes have worked feverishly hard at doing so and have put their love into it. So then my mindset changed into making this space a home, turning it into a warm cozy bed that I could crawl into when I needed some time. When I really felt most drawn to write was in my hardest time. If you've read this for long enough you'd know that it wasn't too long ago, and that the often very sad posts came out often. I've since deleted them, in case you were wondering.

I have never been much of a forced writer. Even when I was in school I often found it really hard to write essays and articles that I wasn't passionate about or couldn't put my thoughts into. As to why I ever thought journalism would be the thing for me, I'll never know. I do know that a constant critique of mine was "you put too much of your own opinions and bias into this strictly factual article" but because I always wrote well enough, my marks weren't terrible. It was often suggested of me to not take the journalism route, but to find something where I could speak freely. It's kind of where this whole public diary came out of. 

In order for me to write, there has to be some sort of emotion there. I can't just sit and write about something I feel nothing about, or no inclination to say. That's the main reason I haven't been here. It's much easier for me to sit at my computer and feverishly type out words that are coming from a sad place. And to be quite honest, I'm just not sad anymore. There are things that happen in this world that I want to discuss, but our attention span has grown to be so little I almost feel like sometimes it's just not worth spending the time on. I'm in a really good place in my life, one I haven't been to in so long. I don't even remember the last time in my life where I was just so whole heartedly happy that things were just able to roll off my shoulder. And to be uncensored here, I don't remember what it's like to be so sad either.

Maybe that sounds crazy, and maybe it is. I believe in the universe and some astrological things, so my birth chart says that I'm more likely to have extreme highs and extreme lows, this could be an extreme high. It's not like nothing bad happens in my life. I have bad days, I have long moments when I think that I can't continue on, and I have terrifying thoughts too. It's not always good, but I always wake up hoping for the best day and am not often let down by that optimism. There's possibly a lot that attributes to that, but I don't like to question it. I'm just simply happy and I'm okay with the unknown reasons as to how I got here.

Saying this kind of sounds like a goodbye, but that's not what this is. This is not a goodbye, or a see you later. This is more of a "let me figure out how to write from a happy place and I'll be back in full force." For those of you that maybe want me to write more, or read more of what I have to say, maybe follow me on social media. I post a lot on there, sometimes it's easier to get things out in 140 characters or a small paragraph under a pretty picture. You can always look through some of my older posts, even though my writing over the years has gotten significantly better, but maybe it'll hold you over. 

I promise, from the deepest depths of my soul, that this is not the end or a breakup. Just give me a minute. 

Until next time...
P.S. Connect with me on social media!
Twitter: @mbaynham_
Instagram: @mbaynham_
Facebook: Being MacKenzie
Bloglovin': Being MacKenzie
Pinterest: @mbaynham
Snapchat: @mackenziebaynha

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